It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I love having hate sex.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize