so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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