Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Randomize
