I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
