his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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