We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
