thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
