We won't sleep together?
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize