I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Randomize
