I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
