it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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