would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
this is an emotional support booty call
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
