Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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