Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
