What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
