If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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