I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
What drink are we having for lunch?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
