Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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