I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Just pee around me
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
