she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
