Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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