We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
