It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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