you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
