I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
MIDGETS
????
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
