coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
This house was built for laser tag.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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