i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
it's like heaven, but drunker
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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