what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
