I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
