Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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