Can Purell be used as lube?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
