you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
