I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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