If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
