when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
No stitches, just platelets and will power
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Randomize
