I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
