She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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