And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
