the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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