I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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