if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
