just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Still dying that you shit outside
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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