I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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