Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
