We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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