Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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