Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
