Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
