I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
