the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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