i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
