Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
