oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
