i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
