i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Ketchup is God's man juice
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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