Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
