dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize