Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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