So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
