i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
