This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
