You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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