So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
