Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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